Restart your computer.
Turn your computer off, then on.
Unplug your computer and leave it alone for 30 minutes. Then plug it back in and turn it on.
Reinstall Windows and wack off a few times as the 3-hour installation process chugs along.
Uninstall the last program you installed.
Empty your Internet Cache.
Download win32.dll from Microsoft and reinstall it. If you can find it on their piece of shit website, that is.
Check for a virus using the latest virus protection software.
Vaccum the dust out of your computer.
Turn your computer so that it faces the North pole.
to your computer three times:
Sprinkle olive oil, garlic and rosemary on your computer to banish evil spirits.
Laugh as loud as you can to prove to your computer that you don't care that it doesn't work.
Give your computer a "time out" of 30 minutes by keeping it on, but refusing to do any work on it.
Borrow someone else's computer and set it up next to your existing computer to activate the "jealousy" factor.
Take a hammer and hit the computer in whatever you would consider its "groin" area.
Piss in your computer's floppy drive.
Go to Wal-Mart and return your computer, even if you did not get it there. Wal-Mart takes anything back.
Try Windows Update. After Microsoft collects all your personal information, watch as more crap is loaded onto your computer. Reboot to find the problem still exists and now you've got new ones thanks to all the shit Windows Update downloaded.
Call Microsoft tech support and offer to trade sexual favors for a new computer. Listen as the nerd on the other pretends he knows what he's talking about.
Buy home owner's insurance. And then arrange for your computer to have a little "accident."
Sell your Piece O' Shit computer to someone who doesn't know anything about computers.
Swap your computer with a good one at work.
Reinstall Windows. Again. Who knows, maybe the random code in Windows will suddenly start working this time.
Oh, turn on your monitor. Duh!
Maybe turn up the contrast knob on your monitor?
OK, just convert your computer to a doorstop.
GIVE UP and realize that the Windows operating system is the biggest piece of shit ever invented, Microsoft is a bunch of greedy, unoriginal, uninspired wankers ... and that it's time to SWITCH TO APPLE