Who We Are


November 3, 2003 – I'm in the hospital again, writing this on my laptop. I took my kid (from my first marriage) out for Halloween for the first time. He's 9 and he guilted me into it. It was actually going pretty well – even though he was dressed up as that asshole Gene Simmons from KISS (my ass). He got one of them stubby Snickers bar from one of the houses and I asked him for it, because all I had all day was a burrito. The fucking thing had a sewing needle in it and I bit into it! Can you believe that?! I wish I remembered what house it can from, coz I would fucking burn it down. I just grabbed it out of his bag, so I don't know where it came from. I called the cops, but they're so goddamn stupid, they can't do anything. Have you noticed that about cops? I got a ticket the other day for failing to yield to a pedestrian walk way. About three hours later, some young punk in a hot rod nearly runs me off the road. Where are the cops when you really need them? Anyway, the needle punctured my tongue and check, so I got a tongue piercing you can say (he he). Because of my other health conditions, they've decided to keep me in for observation overnight at the hospital (I won't say where in case one of you freaks tries to look me up – sorry, but that's the price of fame for me and you). That's OK with me as one of my nurses is a total POA. She knows me from my rock star days and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a blow job tonight around midnight. I'll let you know. I'm starting to pop some Viagra now to get things going. P.S. I just read through some of these past entries and realized I'm a very angry mother fucker. Sorry about that.

March 7, 2003 – I got nothing to stay. I really don't. Fuck it.

December 26, 2002 – I had a great Christmas. I decided to really treat myself this year. So I paid a hooker $5,000 to spend the whole day with me. I really wanted to indulge, so I had her give me a blowjob for an hour straight. Then she played with my bung hole. Then I had her stick her crotch and ass in my face for a while. Then I just had her lay on me for a good half hour rubbing and jiggling around. It was pretty much a non-stop party. But I am so sore today. My balls are aching non-stop. I took 12 Advils so far and I'm still hurting. This girl really earned her dough. I might try two chics for New Year's Eve!

November 30, 2002 – We keep getting people asking if we sell T-Shirts and that sort of shit. So, by popular demand, we have officially opened our Online Store. All the products are excellent quality and shipped right to you. We accept credit cards securely online. Give it a try. And get off our backs, punks!

November 14, 2002 – I'm on a lot of different meds for anxiety and stress, but it doesn't seem to work. I feel like ripping somebody's head off almost daily. I'm also horny as hell, but because of my condition, it's hard to be satisfied. The only thing that seems to make me satisfied is to stick a hot Italian sausage up my ass. I know it sounds weird, but that' s what works for me right now. I bring the sausage right out of the fridge, cover it with olive oil, and work it into my ass. Delightful!

September 25, 2002 – OK, well I'm basically blind now, thanks to LASIK. Everyone who's gotten it will tell you how great it is and then when you get it and can't see shit, those same people who recommended it, will say, "Oh yeah, there are a few problems with it." A few problems?! I swear they'll tell you how good it is at first because they don't want to be the only dumb assess who got it. Selfish pricks! So, right now I'm practically fucking blind (halos, terrible night vision, dry as hell eyes), confined to a wheel chair and my dick don't work. In fact, I am dictating this entire website through voice recognition software (thankfully, some technology actually dogs work). But all this is going to change as I'm working on some interesting shit, better than what Christopher Reeves came up with. Just stay away from the LASIK nonsense, it's the biggest medical nightmare since silicon breast implants!

May 24, 2002 – I just got LASIK (that laser eye surgery shit) and now I can't fucking see for shit. Fucking stupid ass technology! I'm so stupid for doing it. I can't believe I actually trusted today's doctors or technology. Everywhere I look, I see stars and halos and ghost images. i'm going fucking crazy! Hopefully it will heal more in a few weekss otherwise, i'm fuckd.

February 27, 2002 – What the fuck. I mean, what the fuck! This fucking shit. Fuck it. Fuck me. Fuck you. I'm gonna aksdfpi i difn apidnfi aindifn isapiope2 23kndf k; a;dif im nto fucing kidn

August 24, 2001 – We've been getting a lot of requests to update this website. Honestly, we are spread very thin financially. So we have to work on the projects that bring in the green. If anyone out there has an idea on how we can make money with this website, let us know and we will update it more frequently. It's not for a lack of ideas – we have a ton of those. It's just comes down to money, like it always fucking does. If anyone wants to donate some cash to us, that would be great too. Email us with your ideas and suggestions at crosby@nm-design.com. Actually, cash is better than ideas.

August 6, 2001 – I am so high right now. I took just about everything under the sun. I'm feeling fucking awesome. I love you. You people are the best. You've made me what I am. Thank you so much. We will keep doing great things for you to make you feel happy and loved. I can't tell you how much you all mean to me and my world. I promise to give you all that I have and more. I feel that I'm entering a really creative phase of my life now and I want you all to be there and enjoy it with me. Peace and bubble gum, bros.

July 9, 2001 – We've been slowed down in our efforts a bit, because of a slight slow down in the flow of funds we anticipated from the blockbuster movie I was telling you about and because of my asshole agent. We cut a stupid royalty deal for the music I licensed to the movie based on the box office draw and it hasn't been good because most of those pricks who call themselves critics really panned the shit out of the movie.The movie is really not that bad and they shit canned us. People outside of the business don't realize how much reviews effect what a movie earns. You would be surprised. Anyway, our invention for men that will replace Viagra is being tested now and it is doing terrific. For scientific reasons, we have videotaped some of our couple testers as they try the device and you should see the woman squirm with delight. They have multiple orgasms and the man can basically decide exactly when he wants to come and he can do so at least three times within a one hour period, no problem, and the orgasms are very intense for both partners. And that's fairly independent of the man's age and health status. We told one couple "thanks, the testing is over. you can stop" and they basically ignored us and just continued to screw. This product is so good our only concern is getting it approved by the FDA because it might actually turn people into sex addicts!

May 8, 2001 – It's been a while since I've wrote. Sorry. Things have really turned around in a positive way for me, though. I've been reading "The Tao of Pooh" and it's really helped me simplify my life. Thank God for lawyers, too, as mine got me out of that bullshit jam I told you about last time. I also recently got a pretty decent royalty check as we sold the rights to one of our most popular songs for a big blockbuster movie coming out this summer. I've put the money to good use, too. I've been working on a new project to help men and their sex lives. As you know, I've had impotence problems related to the damage I did to myself when I got into a freak motorcycle accident. I've been working with a few doctors from Portugal who have come up with a great invention which I promise you is better than Viagra. We are still testing it, but with this device I can guarantee you that you will please every woman you screw. You will drive them absolutely crazy. I can't say too much more, but I'll give you one final hint: What's better than one cock? Anyway, I haven't had time to work on adding new content to this website as I've been busy with this new invention. Sorry. After this wraps up, I think I will be back into the web in a big way. I'll let you know when we release this new product, plus we're looking to go public with our stock!

October 20, 2000 – My luck's gone from bad to shit. I got busted for possession recently. Fuck! It wasn't my stuff! The fucking Communists in this country can't leave a man alone! They should just legalize the good, safe stuff, anyway. For those of you who live in the area, you may have read in the newspaper that I was busted in a hotel with a prostitute and that I was holding H. I was in a hotel room, but the woman was not a prostitute! She's someone I met earlier. I can't fucking get it up anyway, so why would I be with a prostitute!? The article also did not mention the fact that there were other people in the room and that's who the dope belonged to. But because I'm a celebrity they go after me. That's why if you have any kind of money or visibility, you need a fucking lawyer in this country. Fuck! I'm pissed. I was working on expanding this site, but between my injuries and being busted for someone else's shit ... I'm taking a vacation. I might not be back, either. Only God and the Devil know. Fuck!

September 29, 2000 - Some of you may be wondering why I haven't updated this for some time. But only now am I regaining the ability to write or even think clearly. I nearly died in a very bad motorcycle accident near LA right around Fourth of July. Well, you may say, why do something dangerous? But I love riding my bike. It's part of my rock 'n' roll lifestyle. I wish I didn't. The doctors say I may never walk again. I've done a lot of walking in my life and, frankly, I'm tired. I'm in my early Fifties now, and I've had such a rich life, I can deal with a wheelchair. In fact, you look at anyone who's had great success in their life and it's usually balanced by great tragedy: John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Paul McCartney, JFK, JFK Jr., Bill Clinton, OJ Simpson, William Shatner ... the list goes on and on. Sometimes I'd rather be just an "average" guy, then I think this wouldn't have happened to me. But it did and I have to deal with it. It's possible I could walk again, they don't know for sure. But I'm expecting the worst, and hoping for the best. The biggest emotional problem I'm facing is that I can't make love to my girlfriend anymore. I don't feel anything down there. As you can probably tell by this website, I'm a pretty horny guy, so this a huge challenge for me. I almost feel asexual, like I'm not a man anymore. It's really bad. The other problem has been, I'm not working anymore with my previously close friend and bandmate of mine who helped me with this site. And my ex-wife is still on my ass about increasing her alimony. The one thing I've learned, which I want to pass on to you, is this: It is during times like these that you find out who your true friends are. And I don't have a lot of them.

June 9, 2000 - Unfortunately, one of us is being sued by our ex-wife for an increase of her monthly "allowance." I appreciate and respect the relationship I had with my previous wife and she stayed with me through some rough times, but does she really need to buy 50 fucking pairs of shoes a month? I'd rather see that money go to charity or keeping the environment protected and vibrant. What this means is that a good portion of my time will now be spent fighting this legal battle in the public eye instead of putting all my efforts into this website. My partner and friend understands, but it's hard on him too. I may also have to get back into record producing, which I swore I would never do again.

May 31, 2000 - We are two guys who actually used to be in a quite well-known rock band. In fact, one of us is the father of the child of a celebrity lesbian couple (the broke up recently). At this point, we're trying to keep this new endeavor somewhat low-key. But we will reveal our identities to the public and I think you will be quite shocked. Here's another hint — a close friend of ours who was in the band died of a drug overdose, which pretty much ended the band. We really dig this new technology. It is so expressive. We still like music and actually did a reunion tour recently. But the two of us have always had a thing for comedy, and we thought this was a good time to express our creativity in that area. We'll tell you more about us soon. Thanks for visiting our site. Remember, use the Feedback form to tell us what you think.


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