2000-2001 SURVEY << BACK

A mother fucking babysitter.

condom with semen.

Herpes.

Your Mom.

An old ass radio in a VCR box.

I passed out pictures of my cum spurting cock in mailboxes of strangers on one christmas evening.

when I was 14 yrs. old my step-grandma gave me a walking baby doll for christmas.

an opened package of grandma underwear.

worst present I ever got was one year on my birthday my whole family gave me ammunition, we're at a restaurant and the waitress and other people are watching me open my presents, one after another its boxes and boxes of shotgun or rifle ammunition, looked like a gun shop close out sale. everyone around me is starting to get this funky look on their faces cause what kind of freaky family gives nothing but bullets for a present, I set everyone at ease though when I loudly explained i was a member of a white supremist militia (which was true), since we were living in a place that was populated by those type of folks, I didn't seem so bad then. one black guy that was eating in the place, looked like he was gonna shit. But now i've mellowed in my old age and only own a dozen or so guns, but i still think back on how funny it was when my whole family thought of me as a radical extrememist, and SMILE.

For Christmas I Got 25 Packs Of Condoms ... From My Mom.

worst ever gave, I was a newlywed and got laid off before Christmas, so me and the wife were FLAT BROKE, we agreed no presents but I tried to carve her a carosel (mini merry go round) , while working on it, I sliced my thumb open with a dirty knife and bled all over the thing, but since i worked so hard on it, i gave it to her anyway, (it looked like hell, i can't carve for shit). well i got lockjaw from the cut since we didn't have no money to go to the doctor. I ended up in the hospital on Christmas night and came so close to death i was seeing a bright light ... worst ever got, 9 yrs later the wife gives me a beautiful hand scribed note wrapped around a rose, when I read the "romantic" poem i find it's her telling me that she knows about the girl i'm banging on the side and she is divorcing me. Spent that Christmas HOMELESS ... that was ten years ago, and now whenever i hear Christmas music, i have to fight the tremendous urge to climb a tower with a high powered rifle and start popping holes in carolers. BUT , thank GOD, i'm not BITTER!!!

I sent my ex-girlfriend some flowers and some "ass chocolates." I stuck my hand in my ass and "lathered" up the chocolates.

I gave my brother a cup full of piss on christmas eve, when he lay sleeping in his bed, some urine on his head.

I gave my ex-best-friend a picture of my ass spread. I have a hairy ass. Ha Ha fucka!

One time my mom got me this puppy for Christmas and decided she would put it in my stocking. The next morning, no puppy. But he did leave a nice pile of chocolate or so my brother thought, heh heh heh!

My boyfriend (at the time) gave me a garden hose for my birthday. I rent - I didn't even have my own spicket for the damn hose!

Once I got a pad of Post-It notes from my grandpa for x-mas. The year after that I got a screwdriver set from him, which is probably the best present he ever sent me, other than that Walmart gift card. But later, I broke my tooth on the screwdriver.

when i was a kid i got a pair of retarded looking cabbage patch earmuffs the chicks on them looked demented. The person who gave it to me made it seem like it was the shiznit gift.

i got a Dildo.

a fucken vocabulary book.

a card from crazy-cards.com. Webmasters Note: Go screw a sheep, you ingrate!

a box of pens and pencils.

A blow job. Them shits be nasty!

Pink sanitary napkins at age 13.

was a huge box, inside that box was another box, in that box was a smaller box, after 8 boxes in the last box was a roasted peanut

Motion Lotion and a black rose (my bf's romantic huh?) heh

2 wallets ... from the same person.

a smoking jacket and i don't smoke

When I got nothing!

One Christmas my Sister bought my Dad a "Brut" soap on a rope, he didn't like it so the next year he re-wrapped it and gave it to my Cousin, he didn't want it so the next year he gave it to my Uncle ... etc. ... it went around the Family for 5 years before it was eventually given back to my Brother-in law (my Sister's Husband),that year we were all together at Christmas and eveyone burst out laughing when the truth was revealed, it became a Family legend!!!!

I gave My sister a container of floss but I replaced it with shoelace cuz she has really gappy teeth!

shaving cream.

a hair ball.

My dad once took a crap in my stocking.

a toast.

a key chane.

A bull whip i gave to my nanny.

A static duster thing. It didnt even work.

a 15-inch double sided dildo i gave my mom one year.

A 12-in-1 screwdriver.

My brother-in-law gave me a Chia Pet once, you know those clay figures that look like pigs that you grow grass on to make it look hairy. He tried to make it seem like a joke, but I really think he was too broke to afford anything else.